Retrospect
A year and two months ago, I began a journal to document life in the Underworld. It was designed to develop into a handbook-of-sorts for migrants, but so far it is serving its more immediate purpose - relief and release. It's where despair and faith face off, life-altering decisions are made, dream sequences are narrated and the ordinary everyday life painted.
Today I went through my entire journal and I realised how much I've changed and how, at the same time, I'm very much the same person. I'm still materialistic - crazy about clothes, fragrances, hair and face treatment, shoes, accessories, the whole she-bang. But now, family needs take precedence. I still overanalyse everything, but now, I have more faith than pessimism. My diet is still poor but I know now that I've got to lay off the chocolates when my throat is beginning to ache. I may not smile in the face of adversity, but I focus on the problem and come up with solutions. I still sometimes measure self-worth with career, but at the end of the day I now realise my new brilliant shining career as a wife and mother. I still have doubts on our future, but now I trust the force that placed us here even more.
As my journal may never see print and that I realize, it would be nice to publish (at least via blog) an entry I made on June 19, 2005 at 1.10a:
Today I went through my entire journal and I realised how much I've changed and how, at the same time, I'm very much the same person. I'm still materialistic - crazy about clothes, fragrances, hair and face treatment, shoes, accessories, the whole she-bang. But now, family needs take precedence. I still overanalyse everything, but now, I have more faith than pessimism. My diet is still poor but I know now that I've got to lay off the chocolates when my throat is beginning to ache. I may not smile in the face of adversity, but I focus on the problem and come up with solutions. I still sometimes measure self-worth with career, but at the end of the day I now realise my new brilliant shining career as a wife and mother. I still have doubts on our future, but now I trust the force that placed us here even more.
As my journal may never see print and that I realize, it would be nice to publish (at least via blog) an entry I made on June 19, 2005 at 1.10a:
Fast approaching our first year in the Underworld, we find ourselves looking back to the day we journeyed here. This morning, we reminisced that fateful day in June 27, 2004 when we walked out of that plane with an unsteady feeling in our guts, but nevertheless beaming with hope. We recall the first photograph taken of Bea standing inside the Kingsfordsmith airport, with that obvious pride and joy in her face. How in retrospect, she and the rest of us, were completely unaware of the upheaval awaiting in the coming weeks. How also after two months, there will be a brief respite to this as we change shelter. And finally after three more months of sharing shelter, we finally found our own place under the sun. How much God has been with us all this time. How we have been tested, found weak, found strong, but all the time faithful. Trusting in God’s reasons, our love and our inner strengths. May the years find us still immensely in love and faithful to the omnipresent God in our lives.
posted by maya-bea-michelle-alfred @ 6:50 pm
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